experiences from the covid frontline

Thursday 2nd April 2020 :

Today I brought a roll of cling film to work-I played with the idea that I could fashion it a long sleeves and wrap it around my arms, and dispose of it between patients, as a substitute for lacking long sleeved gowns to operate in.  It becomes fiddly, embarrassing, and I think may carry risk of shedding any virus when doffing (removing).  I return to scrubbing up to my upper arms where my short sleeved scrubs sleeve stops.  And now we are also taking our scrubs home to wash as there are none left in the department..




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We have the first proper and beyond brilliant session with a respiratory consultant who came to the dept to talk to our team. I was in awe at her calmness and coolness. She explained more in an hour of what is going on with covid in our hospital than anything we have known all these weeks.  In one hour she managed to reassure and also take the pressure off my lead consultant who has been a swan calmly gliding  across the surface whilst kicking her feet frantically under the water. But you would never know. And that’s what makes a good leader. But today the team spirit was incredible, the pulling together, and the support in that one room, not only amongst us but also with this expert in the frontline specialty helping run what is a seamlessly oiled ship looking after covid patients in our hospital.  How could she stay so cool and calm and sleep through all this I asked. She laughed . And said covid is an easy disease to manage as it is so protocol driven. Even though the sad reality of that is the decisions are based on those patients who will live and who will die . And we have already heard of staff members dying in our hospital.

Even though I'm now not being deployed to the wards, the feeling of reassurance amongst my team after this talk was palpable, to know that they will be supported up there, that they will be in relatively low risk environment, and that they won't have to make major clinical decisions, was like seeing a pressure cooker releasing its steam.   Some of my team walked down the corridor and stepped out of their offices to follow the laughter that was coming from my room.  "It's great to hear laughter in the department right now, something we aren't hearing enough!" one of my consultant colleagues said.  As we shared jokes and videos, it was a moment I held, and if I couldn't physically be on the wards with my team, I would work my hardest to keep our skin cancer patients on the radar, and keep some humour going at the very least! 

I'm moved by a pieces I have read, sent from a friend:

We fell asleep in one world, and woke up in another.

Suddenly Disney is out of magic,
Paris is no longer romantic,
New York doesn't stand up anymore,
the Chinese wall is no longer a fortress, and Mecca is empty.

Hugs & kisses suddenly become weapons, and not visiting parents & friends becomes an act of love.

Suddenly you realise that power, beauty & money are worthless, and can't get you the oxygen you're fighting for.

The world continues its life and it is beautiful. It only puts humans in cages. I think it's sending us a message:

"You are not necessary. The air, earth, water and sky without you are fine. When you come back, remember that you are my guests. Not my masters."